MUMS TRAUMA AT WATCHING OMAGH SUSPECTS ON TV
MUM'S TRAUMA AT WATCHING OMAGH SUSPECTS ON TV
EXCLUSIVE
By JILLY BEATTIE
I'm leaving Ireland , I can't stay while my son's killers are allowed to walk free
MARION Radford has struggled for more than two years to come to terms with her son Alan's murder at Omagh.
Now she has vowed to leave Northern Ireland after watching the controversial Panorama programme which named four alleged suspects of the atrocity.
Marion revealed that watching the BBC's Who Bombed Omagh? was more upsetting than sitting through the inquests of the Omagh dead.
She said: "Forty minutes watching those people walking the streets, healthy and free was worse for me than four weeks of inquests.
"They were both horrific in their own way but the reality of seeing people the BBC have named has brought an awful cold reality to this.
"I can't stay here now. I cannot live in a place where I know there is a chance another one of my children will be murdered in a bomb.
"After watching Panorama I've decided to leave Northern Ireland. I need to go away to find some peace."
Two of Marion's six children have already left, too grief-stricken to stay after burying their 16-year-old brother.
Marion, 53, said: "I thought many times about leaving since Alan was killed. It took me years to settle here from Scotland but now I feel I've been beaten into going."
And although she will not be able to visit Alan's grave, she consoles herself by saying repeatedly - almost to herself - that she will see her boy again in heaven.
"Alan is not here." she said. "His body was placed in the earth but he is with God and we'll be together again.
"Alan was my special boy, a good son, a son like no other and I cannot explain how much I miss him.
"I felt physically sick as I watched Panorama and the faces of people as they were named, sick that such evil exists in this country."' The 40-minute programme lasted a lifetime for Marion.
With her face like stone, she braved it out, refusing to take her eyes from the screen.
Below a portrait of her lost son, she sat. hands clenched tightly, barely blinking, taking short, shallow breaths as the film started to unfold.
In the first three minutes, two names of people suspected of murdering her son are revealed on screen.
Marion's face froze at the sound of their names. She took three deep breaths and said: "I can hardly believe these people exist. I can hardly believe how normal they look.
"They are flesh and blood like the rest of us - but they're different - there's something inside them that's different. "There are times when I'm in a room or walking in the street when I feel an evil presence, something bad, something wrong.
"And I wonder if I walked past those men in the street last week if I would have felt their guilt, if I would have sensed their fear. Would I have known?
"It seems strange that they are part of the human race like the rest of us, people who plan so much misery, so much hurt.
"Who are their families? I know they feel hate but do they feel love? Do they know what it's like to lose someone you love? Do they really care?
"I don't feel bitter but I'm angry, very angry. But I've put my faith in God and we're all trying our best to get through this.
"One thing that helps is knowing that my son died good. He was a good boy and I would rather he died a good son than grow into a man like the men who killed him." Marion, who comes from Lanarkshire, has said in the past that she is not angry, that she simply wants justice for Alan.
But on Monday night, as she stared at the faces of the people allegedly suspected of orchestrating the Omagh bomb she closed her eyes and rage flowed through her veins.
The devastating despair which has engulfed her life since August 15 1998 is tangible. And as Panorama was broadcast into her living room, there was a brittle edge to Marlon's mood.
Even her voice changed as she tried to understand how human nature has become so rotten.
She said: "These people are suspected of killing my son and 30 other Innocent human beings. There were also 311 people injured in that bomb and thousands of lives were touched by it in the worst possible way.
"But look at them - they live their lives, they walk the streets, they go to jobs, have children, they sit down to dinner with their families. They live normal lives while we struggle to pick up the pieces they have left for us
"The difference between people who plant bombs and people like my son is that Alan lived a good life he helped other people, he helped me, he loved life and he loved people around him.
"Bombers only have one intention to bomb and main and hurt and kill.
"They live to ruin the lives or innocent people yet they can still get up in the morning and they can still go to bed at night.
"When the rest of us are lying awake at night not knowing how to put our lives back together, knowing that life will never be the same again, I wonder if they sleep well."
Alan, who was planning to go to catering college, was shopping with his mother when they heard the bomb warning. Marion said: "We were told there was a bomb at the top of the town and I was worried and believe now that God was trying to tell me to out, out of there, prompting, me to go to safety.
"I kept saying to Alan that I thought we'd better go but he told me not to worry but looking back on it I knew there was something wrong.
"I told Alan: 'Let's go to Dunnes,' but he didn't want to and so we didn't. If we had gone to Dunnes Alan might be alive today and I feel terrible guilt that he died that day. I can't help but wish I'd just grabbed him and run."
Marion physically shuddered during the opening scenes of Who Bombed Omagh?
The moment police covered Alan's body is caught clearly on tape - a moment Marion has repeatedly played over in her mind.
She said: "I've watched that footage many times but it gets worse every time because my eyes go immediately to the spot where I now know Alan was lying.
"I sat through all four weeks of the inquests listening to every detail being recounted, but watching this now is much, much worse.
"When I was there in the bomb I didn't really know what was going on and I didn't really see very much because I was in shock.
"But after the inquest I knew that Alan wasn't far from where I had fallen and after two years of worrying I knew that he died quickly."
Marion and her son had separated to walk on different sides of the street just 30 seconds before the bomb was detonated.
Marion said: "Alan said: 'See you mum' and looked at me very strangely with his hand on his chin and looking back on it now I think he was wondering whether he should leave me there.
"The last thing I remember was looking into the shop window of a jewellers and thinking if a bomb went off now what am I doing standing here looking at material things?
"Then there was a massive bang."
Marion suffered a head injury from flying glass and it was not until the next day that she found out her son had been killed.
"The inquests lasted four weeks, four painful and lonely weeks.
"But I'm glad now that I attended because I learned that my son had died very quickly and I was able to meet the policeman who was with his body. That was a great comfort to me.
"But the final closure on this horror will only come when the people who perpetrated this mass murder are put behind bars for good.
"I think that life should mean life and the people who murdered my son should be jailed for the rest of their days so they have time to think about what they have done."
EXCLUSIVE
By JILLY BEATTIE
I'm leaving Ireland , I can't stay while my son's killers are allowed to walk free
MARION Radford has struggled for more than two years to come to terms with her son Alan's murder at Omagh.
Now she has vowed to leave Northern Ireland after watching the controversial Panorama programme which named four alleged suspects of the atrocity.
Marion revealed that watching the BBC's Who Bombed Omagh? was more upsetting than sitting through the inquests of the Omagh dead.
She said: "Forty minutes watching those people walking the streets, healthy and free was worse for me than four weeks of inquests.
"They were both horrific in their own way but the reality of seeing people the BBC have named has brought an awful cold reality to this.
"I can't stay here now. I cannot live in a place where I know there is a chance another one of my children will be murdered in a bomb.
"After watching Panorama I've decided to leave Northern Ireland. I need to go away to find some peace."
Two of Marion's six children have already left, too grief-stricken to stay after burying their 16-year-old brother.
Marion, 53, said: "I thought many times about leaving since Alan was killed. It took me years to settle here from Scotland but now I feel I've been beaten into going."
And although she will not be able to visit Alan's grave, she consoles herself by saying repeatedly - almost to herself - that she will see her boy again in heaven.
"Alan is not here." she said. "His body was placed in the earth but he is with God and we'll be together again.
"Alan was my special boy, a good son, a son like no other and I cannot explain how much I miss him.
"I felt physically sick as I watched Panorama and the faces of people as they were named, sick that such evil exists in this country."' The 40-minute programme lasted a lifetime for Marion.
With her face like stone, she braved it out, refusing to take her eyes from the screen.
Below a portrait of her lost son, she sat. hands clenched tightly, barely blinking, taking short, shallow breaths as the film started to unfold.
In the first three minutes, two names of people suspected of murdering her son are revealed on screen.
Marion's face froze at the sound of their names. She took three deep breaths and said: "I can hardly believe these people exist. I can hardly believe how normal they look.
"They are flesh and blood like the rest of us - but they're different - there's something inside them that's different. "There are times when I'm in a room or walking in the street when I feel an evil presence, something bad, something wrong.
"And I wonder if I walked past those men in the street last week if I would have felt their guilt, if I would have sensed their fear. Would I have known?
"It seems strange that they are part of the human race like the rest of us, people who plan so much misery, so much hurt.
"Who are their families? I know they feel hate but do they feel love? Do they know what it's like to lose someone you love? Do they really care?
"I don't feel bitter but I'm angry, very angry. But I've put my faith in God and we're all trying our best to get through this.
"One thing that helps is knowing that my son died good. He was a good boy and I would rather he died a good son than grow into a man like the men who killed him." Marion, who comes from Lanarkshire, has said in the past that she is not angry, that she simply wants justice for Alan.
But on Monday night, as she stared at the faces of the people allegedly suspected of orchestrating the Omagh bomb she closed her eyes and rage flowed through her veins.
The devastating despair which has engulfed her life since August 15 1998 is tangible. And as Panorama was broadcast into her living room, there was a brittle edge to Marlon's mood.
Even her voice changed as she tried to understand how human nature has become so rotten.
She said: "These people are suspected of killing my son and 30 other Innocent human beings. There were also 311 people injured in that bomb and thousands of lives were touched by it in the worst possible way.
"But look at them - they live their lives, they walk the streets, they go to jobs, have children, they sit down to dinner with their families. They live normal lives while we struggle to pick up the pieces they have left for us
"The difference between people who plant bombs and people like my son is that Alan lived a good life he helped other people, he helped me, he loved life and he loved people around him.
"Bombers only have one intention to bomb and main and hurt and kill.
"They live to ruin the lives or innocent people yet they can still get up in the morning and they can still go to bed at night.
"When the rest of us are lying awake at night not knowing how to put our lives back together, knowing that life will never be the same again, I wonder if they sleep well."
Alan, who was planning to go to catering college, was shopping with his mother when they heard the bomb warning. Marion said: "We were told there was a bomb at the top of the town and I was worried and believe now that God was trying to tell me to out, out of there, prompting, me to go to safety.
"I kept saying to Alan that I thought we'd better go but he told me not to worry but looking back on it I knew there was something wrong.
"I told Alan: 'Let's go to Dunnes,' but he didn't want to and so we didn't. If we had gone to Dunnes Alan might be alive today and I feel terrible guilt that he died that day. I can't help but wish I'd just grabbed him and run."
Marion physically shuddered during the opening scenes of Who Bombed Omagh?
The moment police covered Alan's body is caught clearly on tape - a moment Marion has repeatedly played over in her mind.
She said: "I've watched that footage many times but it gets worse every time because my eyes go immediately to the spot where I now know Alan was lying.
"I sat through all four weeks of the inquests listening to every detail being recounted, but watching this now is much, much worse.
"When I was there in the bomb I didn't really know what was going on and I didn't really see very much because I was in shock.
"But after the inquest I knew that Alan wasn't far from where I had fallen and after two years of worrying I knew that he died quickly."
Marion and her son had separated to walk on different sides of the street just 30 seconds before the bomb was detonated.
Marion said: "Alan said: 'See you mum' and looked at me very strangely with his hand on his chin and looking back on it now I think he was wondering whether he should leave me there.
"The last thing I remember was looking into the shop window of a jewellers and thinking if a bomb went off now what am I doing standing here looking at material things?
"Then there was a massive bang."
Marion suffered a head injury from flying glass and it was not until the next day that she found out her son had been killed.
"The inquests lasted four weeks, four painful and lonely weeks.
"But I'm glad now that I attended because I learned that my son had died very quickly and I was able to meet the policeman who was with his body. That was a great comfort to me.
"But the final closure on this horror will only come when the people who perpetrated this mass murder are put behind bars for good.
"I think that life should mean life and the people who murdered my son should be jailed for the rest of their days so they have time to think about what they have done."
Further Information
Publisher: THE MIRROR
Ref: TM/125
Published Date: 11-Oct-00
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