MOTHER'S LOSS IS TOO MUCH TO BEAR
Mother's loss 'is too much to bear'
The Barkers were building a new life in Buncrana when the unimaginable happened on August 15. A devastated mother tells Seamus McKinney of the unbearable pain she will carry on Sunday - the anniversary of her son James death
Fatal trip that ripped the heart out of a loving family
LAST Monday, James Barker should have been celebrating his 13th birthday.
Instead, his mum, Donna Marie was putting a new stone over his grave at Cockhill just outside Buncrana in Co Donegal.
She had to wait for a year until the soil in James's grave settled before the gravestone could be erected, a year after the Omagh bomb which stole his short life.
Two years ago, Donna Marie Barker and her husband Victor decided that Buncrana would be an ideal place to raise their family and so they moved from England.
Victor continued his business as a solicitor in England travelling home at regular intervals while the family settled quickly into their new life.
Everything was perfect. They had a beautiful house near the picturesque Ned's Point overlooking Lough Swilly and the children loved it.
But that all changed on August 15 last year when the Real IRA bomb ripped the heart out of Omagh and the Barker family.
That morning young James set out on a trip to Omagh with other youngsters from Buncrana as well as some Spanish children who were on an exchange visit. By nightfall, five of them lay dead.
James, Oran Doherty (8) and Shaun McLaughlin (12) were killed along with Fernando Blasco Baselga (12) and Rocio Abad Ramos (23) from Spain.
On Tuesday night, Ned's point was beautiful. The waters of Lough Swilly lapped up by Fr Hegarty's Rock - the rock where a priest was executed in penal times - people strolled on the beach as sea birds noisily played overhead.
James loved Ned's Point. It was just yards from his new home and was every young boy's dream. There were rocks to climb and an old fort to play in.
Since the Omagh bombing, Donna Marie has only been back on the strand - just seconds from her home - four times. It was James's favourite place and she can't bear to be there.
As she sat on rocks overlooking Lough Swilly, the contrast with August 15 could not have been greater. Against the vulgar barbarity of the Omagh bombing, Co Donegal was a haven of tranquillity.
But for the Barker family, like the other Buncrana families who lost loved ones in the bombing, that tranquillity belies an awful pain.
"Every day of the last year, I have been reliving what happened," Donna Marie said.
And last Monday was the worst day of all.
"Monday would have been James's day. He had a zest for living and loved meeting people and from the people who have come to me and told me about James - his conversations with them - it has surprised me.
"Even last night, as I went to listen to a choir who will be singing at James's service at Cockhill, the organist turned around and said my daddy met James fishing. James always wanted to know things and her father's remarks were about a very well mannered young man who wanted to know all about fishing."
As Donna Marie recalls her son, her pain is clear. She remembers every detail from his build to his smile - she constantly thinks what he would say about situations.
This weekend, with all the commemoration services in Buncrana and Omagh, will also be difficult. But much of the public outpourings of grief will have little effect on the Barker family. They will be alone - as will the other families of victims - with their memories and private pain.
"This Saturday we have a yearning to go to Omagh because Victor and I feel that was where James was last alive. We will be placing a heart shaped wreath with 29 roses, one for everyone who died, at 3.09. We will reflect on that day, that dreadful day."
As Donna Marie talks, it is clear that her pain is mixed with a deep anger and despair. In the days after Omagh, most people thought it would be the bomb to end all bombs. That the 29 who died would be the last victims of the troubles. They were wrong.
"I took my husband to the airport on Monday- he would have been there on Monday for James - and coming back. travelling through the various areas and seeing red, white and blue in the kerbs, red, white and blue flags flying, also green, white and orange Tricolours flying, I was so angry that it turned into rage.
"Because of the politics our James was taken from us. How have those people got the right to do this? They don't have the right.
"I am disgusted. I thought Omagh would be the turning point. If I had to give my son up for peace, I could have done it but there will be no peace in Northern Ireland. Politicians niggle away at each other. No-one will give an inch and 20 years down the line we will still be in the same situation."
But despite such profound despair, the Barker family intend remaining in Buncrana for the time being as that is where James is buried and that is where his memories are.
James's bedroom remains the same as it was the day he walked out to his death. On his calender, he had marked off August 15. His old trainers are still under the bed as he was allowed to wear the new trainers which Donna Marie bought him for going back to school.
And, on his bedside cabinet, the two pounds spending money that he forgot to take to Omagh still sits.
Donna Marie's oldest daughter, Erin Esther (21) lives in England with her father where she works with an airline company. Estella (15) and little Oliver Tristen (5), the baby, are in Buncrana with their mum. "At times I feel James around but at other times I am just so hurt that I yearn so much for him. You are looking for some comfort in any way possible."
The grief, heartache and pain comes through Donna Marie's words. With the parents of Shaun McLaughlin and Oran Doherty, this Sunday she will suffer a pain that only a parent who has lost a child can know.
The Barkers were building a new life in Buncrana when the unimaginable happened on August 15. A devastated mother tells Seamus McKinney of the unbearable pain she will carry on Sunday - the anniversary of her son James death
Fatal trip that ripped the heart out of a loving family
LAST Monday, James Barker should have been celebrating his 13th birthday.
Instead, his mum, Donna Marie was putting a new stone over his grave at Cockhill just outside Buncrana in Co Donegal.
She had to wait for a year until the soil in James's grave settled before the gravestone could be erected, a year after the Omagh bomb which stole his short life.
Two years ago, Donna Marie Barker and her husband Victor decided that Buncrana would be an ideal place to raise their family and so they moved from England.
Victor continued his business as a solicitor in England travelling home at regular intervals while the family settled quickly into their new life.
Everything was perfect. They had a beautiful house near the picturesque Ned's Point overlooking Lough Swilly and the children loved it.
But that all changed on August 15 last year when the Real IRA bomb ripped the heart out of Omagh and the Barker family.
That morning young James set out on a trip to Omagh with other youngsters from Buncrana as well as some Spanish children who were on an exchange visit. By nightfall, five of them lay dead.
James, Oran Doherty (8) and Shaun McLaughlin (12) were killed along with Fernando Blasco Baselga (12) and Rocio Abad Ramos (23) from Spain.
On Tuesday night, Ned's point was beautiful. The waters of Lough Swilly lapped up by Fr Hegarty's Rock - the rock where a priest was executed in penal times - people strolled on the beach as sea birds noisily played overhead.
James loved Ned's Point. It was just yards from his new home and was every young boy's dream. There were rocks to climb and an old fort to play in.
Since the Omagh bombing, Donna Marie has only been back on the strand - just seconds from her home - four times. It was James's favourite place and she can't bear to be there.
As she sat on rocks overlooking Lough Swilly, the contrast with August 15 could not have been greater. Against the vulgar barbarity of the Omagh bombing, Co Donegal was a haven of tranquillity.
But for the Barker family, like the other Buncrana families who lost loved ones in the bombing, that tranquillity belies an awful pain.
"Every day of the last year, I have been reliving what happened," Donna Marie said.
And last Monday was the worst day of all.
"Monday would have been James's day. He had a zest for living and loved meeting people and from the people who have come to me and told me about James - his conversations with them - it has surprised me.
"Even last night, as I went to listen to a choir who will be singing at James's service at Cockhill, the organist turned around and said my daddy met James fishing. James always wanted to know things and her father's remarks were about a very well mannered young man who wanted to know all about fishing."
As Donna Marie recalls her son, her pain is clear. She remembers every detail from his build to his smile - she constantly thinks what he would say about situations.
This weekend, with all the commemoration services in Buncrana and Omagh, will also be difficult. But much of the public outpourings of grief will have little effect on the Barker family. They will be alone - as will the other families of victims - with their memories and private pain.
"This Saturday we have a yearning to go to Omagh because Victor and I feel that was where James was last alive. We will be placing a heart shaped wreath with 29 roses, one for everyone who died, at 3.09. We will reflect on that day, that dreadful day."
As Donna Marie talks, it is clear that her pain is mixed with a deep anger and despair. In the days after Omagh, most people thought it would be the bomb to end all bombs. That the 29 who died would be the last victims of the troubles. They were wrong.
"I took my husband to the airport on Monday- he would have been there on Monday for James - and coming back. travelling through the various areas and seeing red, white and blue in the kerbs, red, white and blue flags flying, also green, white and orange Tricolours flying, I was so angry that it turned into rage.
"Because of the politics our James was taken from us. How have those people got the right to do this? They don't have the right.
"I am disgusted. I thought Omagh would be the turning point. If I had to give my son up for peace, I could have done it but there will be no peace in Northern Ireland. Politicians niggle away at each other. No-one will give an inch and 20 years down the line we will still be in the same situation."
But despite such profound despair, the Barker family intend remaining in Buncrana for the time being as that is where James is buried and that is where his memories are.
James's bedroom remains the same as it was the day he walked out to his death. On his calender, he had marked off August 15. His old trainers are still under the bed as he was allowed to wear the new trainers which Donna Marie bought him for going back to school.
And, on his bedside cabinet, the two pounds spending money that he forgot to take to Omagh still sits.
Donna Marie's oldest daughter, Erin Esther (21) lives in England with her father where she works with an airline company. Estella (15) and little Oliver Tristen (5), the baby, are in Buncrana with their mum. "At times I feel James around but at other times I am just so hurt that I yearn so much for him. You are looking for some comfort in any way possible."
The grief, heartache and pain comes through Donna Marie's words. With the parents of Shaun McLaughlin and Oran Doherty, this Sunday she will suffer a pain that only a parent who has lost a child can know.
Further Information
Publisher: THE IRISH NEWS
Ref: IN/0304
Published Date: 13-Aug-99
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